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Killette's Journal


Killette's Journal

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1 entry this month
 

Dear Mom

03:06 Jan 05 2012
Times Read: 394






Hey Mom how you been it’s me your lil Kendle Jean. 

you know your only daughter the one you left in pain

the one you forgot over the heroin and cocaine

And it’s been really hard for me to love you again

And I don’t even know if I’m hurt or if I’m mad

Oh and by the way have you seen or heard from dad

I think he’s doing good he’s always around and involved in my life. 

I heard hes keeping himself clean and I guess he treats himself  right

And I know how Jake died really must have hurt you

Cancer took the only family figure you ever really knew

Do you still speak to Grandma

we don’t speak any longer

She disowned me told me I was just like my mother

And I know that being a teenage mom wasn’t that appealing

But I can still remember the sun you painted on my ceiling

Now I’m an artist too except I do it for the healing

to take away this heartache and this misery I’m feeling

And I’ve grown tired of being alone

Lord I know starry eyes close

And momma why won’t you ever come home



They say that you and I we share the same traits

the same pretty eyes they say they see you in my face

same Sybil moods same wicked ways

same addictions except I took it to the vein

I was always afraid you would see the track marks on my arms

But then again you were always passing out and taking me to bars

or you left me home alone or you left me in the car

Now I’m all alone and you left me with these scars

My sleep is filled with nightmares about the life you chose

Were you alone in that apartment did you really overdose?

I wonder could I have stopped it could I have made u travel a different road

I didn’t even know you lived a mile from my home

That afternoon I heard you almost died I thought it was a joke

I didn’t know that you were sick or that you had had a stroke

I would have wentd to see you at least we could have spoke

Maybe thing would have been different between us but our relationship is forever broke. 



Well here I am momma standing at waiting for u to be normal again

I lay my head down and wait just to ease the pain

I used to make wishes for you all the time and pray that you were saved

get on my knees close my eyes and ask the Lord for strength

and I understand cause I got my own set of sins

but it makes me sad to think how WEAK

you really must have been

You had a choice between your children and heroin

and it was heroin that wins the battle in the end

and not a day goes by

I don’t think about what could have been

but in the end you alway relapse im fighting tears again

I miss you bad as fuck my throat keeps tightening up

Do you even remember I have a birthday coming up ?

Until the day I die

not a day goes by that i dont wish you were with me

there’s so many things I want to say

but I only speak in anger maybe it's to late.

But I really love you momma even if it seems like hate. 

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